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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I decided to take a breather and headed over to the Victoria Esplanade. It’s this beautiful park with trees and flowers everywhere. I plopped down on a bench, trying to calm my nerves. Just when I thought I could relax, a bunch of ducks waddled over. I swear, they were plotting something. One of them looked at me like, “What’s up, human?” I couldn’t help but laugh.

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